From a primary school teacher to an Experimenter
Hello reader,
my name is Isabel Amarilis Esterl. I am an Experimenter. Write me a message if you are ready to receive an experiment.
Before I declared that I am an Experimenter and had the opportunity to shift, I was a Montessori primary school teacher in Germany. At the very beginning of my career as a teacher I was non-linear and creative. I was inspired by Maria Montessori’s teaching. Observe and find the next step. The half of the class wanted to do theater for 3 months in another room with me. I was holding space for magical creation so that every child had a voice. The other part of the class was with the second pedagogics in the classroom exploring the material.
If there was a conflict, I passed space holding for theater to a child and met the conflict, emotions and problems in the floor. I had a feelings-tree were the Children point at images that were connected to feelings (for example a picture of an angry looking kid). We went in nature so often as possible. A part of the parents, teachers and the other pedagogics in my class complained about my style. The sentences were: “The kids don’t learn something”, “You are ruining their life’s”, “I want to put my Kid out of this class.”
Then I saw how fucked up all the families were. Not giving presence to the child, narcissist forcing children to study after school to be proud or overprotecting etc.. Two children tried to kill themselves during the Covid-Lockdown.
I get depressed.
Smoking weed in the weekends, eating chocolate and pizza directly after school, and looking series to numb my pain about the system. My pain was also about how I started to treat and force Kids to do stuff, because I became adaptive to parents and the other teachers. I stopped the theater. I started to be a monster. It was my first and last year as a teacher.
My fortune was that I had an knee accident, after being a system-roboter for 2 months.
Then I stayed in bad for 3 Weeks and didn’t went back to work for 2 months. In that time, I decided to end the year in the school by working just 9 hours and just holding space for what the children really want to do and learn how to ignore parents and teachers, who hate me. After saying goodbye to that school, I became a nomad, travelling around the world and searching for an authentic community with real love.
And I found it. I’m glad and so thankful.
When I saw the words Possibility Management in a not so inspiring book I get hooked by this magical name (my Box did not find it magical) and bought two Expand the Box trainings and Building Love that Lasts for my expartner and me as a Christmas gift. I had no money anymore and worked in a bistro for a time but it was the best decision I ever took.
This was in December 2021.
After the Expand the Box I broke up with my partner and went to Brazil for 6 weeks.
I sensed that I belong to this space but had a lot of fear to move there.
On my transformative path I am learning to distinguish my parts, decontaminate, organizing and stepping into the powers of my feelings.
Shifting to an Experimenter turns my Gremlin so on that I feel him energetically more on my side. My whole being is in a curious mood. I’m doing EHPs to keep being an Experimenter. There is shame after and during the experiment specially when it involves other people. My Chamaeleon-Box freaks out.
I see how important it is for me to be centered, sworded, bubbled, and grounded, because from this starting point I sense better where my parts are. From this small now I act, breath in and out and notice what is going on in me.
More clarity in all of bodies brings me to new doors. I open it and step out and find me in a complete different space. Its challenging to describe it. How can I describe an apple if you never ate one and every apple is totally different? If you leave your expectation behind, how it should be? And eat it if you eat it for the very first time?
Tomorrow I will move to Brazil. I still feel fear because I don’t know why I’m moving. I feel also fear because I don’t have a plan. I will report how this is going.
I just have two physical baggage’s and a lot of energetic cool baggage that I learnt from the Possibility Management Village. One the new baggage that I love is the "is-glue". I skip an old story like “I am a primary school teacher” to a new one “I am an Experimenter.” And put the glue to let it be really sticky. Then I start my research. This is so much more fun. I step into the flow and then I let it go.
Love and Adventure,
Isabel
